Happiness Killers!
Benjamin Franklin wrote
“The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”
—– This flower was showered with water from the sprinkler this morning. The care and routine to make this plant bloom helps this plant bring joy to people every single day.
—– Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much of happiness is under our control and the result of our habits and our outlook on life.
—– Psychologists from the University of California, Los Angeles, who study happiness, found that genetics and life circumstances only account for about 52% of a persons’ happiness. The rest is up to us.
—– The good news is that 48% is under my control to stay happy or unhappy. In order to stay happy, I have eliminated or controlled my happiness killing habits. It was not easy, but I think I am 95% there. It required setting a goal to stay in the Happy State and making a COMMITMENT. Once I made a commitment, I told myself, my family, my friends, my kids’ friends, co-workers and even strangers what I was doing. When I tell others publicly, I have more reasons to stay committed to my goal as I must do what I say. I learned that when I announce to people I have a goal, they help me stay on track to achieve my goal. Friends created a public Facebook page for me to share my happiness tips. And friends started introducing me as to he happiness guy. My family and friends started sending me photos of flowers to share the happiness as they know flowers always make me happy.
—– There are many happiness killing habits which we acquired over time without our even realizing as they’re a reaction to external events or the negative people we interact act with. Below are few habits which, I discovered by reading books, from happy people, and my own life lessons that I learned to avoid at all costs in order to in the Happy State.
Happiness Killers (UnHappy Habits):
- Waiting for the future: Telling yourself, “I’ll be happy when …” is one of the easiest unhappy habits to fall into. I will be happy when I get a job, I will be happy when I get promoted, I will be happy when I buy a house or car…
I learned that I must live and cherish today and not wait for the future event for my happiness.
- Spending too much time and effort acquiring “things.” Material things don’t make me happy. They may make me happy for few hours but then the novelty wears off. I must only acquire things which makes me stay fit, healthy and that helps me achieve my goals. I must not acquire things just to show off or for the what people will say syndrome. I must never live life based on what people will say. I learned that I must live life by doing what makes me happy today – to not wait for tomorrow.
- Staying home. When I used to feel unhappy, it was tempting to avoid other people. I used to stay at home and not attend functions, parties or visit friends or family. I noticed that disconnecting from people creates more stress. I must avoid negative people but I must socialize with happy people as we are social beings by design.
I must plan my meetings with my family members and friends on a regular basis to stay in touch, share jokes and spread happiness. Regular communication with family, friends and strangers reduces stress, increases trust and happiness. Today it is lot easier to stay in touch through Facebook, WhatsApp, Skype, Twitter and LinkedIn. I share what I’m doing as sometimes someone may be able to provide their insights and also so people don’t have to ask what I’m doing. This is often the main question most people avoid to answer and the main reason people don’t want to show up at parties or visit friends. But it shouldn’t be something we stress about no matter where we are at in life.
- Seeing yourself as a victim. Unhappy people tend to operate from the default position that life is both hard and out of their control. In other words, “Life is out to get me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Yes it’s true that some people are more privileged than others and that life is harder for some. But I’d truly hope we wouldn’t give up on life because of that. Sometimes setting goals and creating an action plan can help us get through things one step at a time, even if change comes slowly. I promised myself that I’d never be a victim and instead become a helper so that I can learn each day how to handle situations about money, dealing with difficult people and growing myself in many different areas.
- Complaining. Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior. By constantly talking, and therefore thinking negatively about how bad things are, I reaffirm my negative beliefs.
I learned from a former great manager named Bob Kim some lessons when I started as an engineer at Unisys 33 years ago. He told me that in his group no one is allowed to complain. He’d say if you have a problem, please bring 3 solutions to the table and he will pick one.
I learned, I must stop complaining and come up with at least three solutions to solve any problems we encounter. The solution should be fast to implement, have support from others and be financially realistic. I implemented this rule at my companies and it empowered employees to be the change they wanted to see. The bottom line is that nobody wants to be in a toxic environment – social or work wise. As toxicity festers and can consume us all. So you got to get out of that headspace.
- Not solving problems.
Unhappy people, find problems and mistakes to be threatening, so they try to hide them. If we don’t solve and ignore problems they almost always get bigger. The more we don’t do anything about a problem, the more it starts to feel as though you can’t do anything about it. Positive thinking people tackle problems head on. They convert each problem into an opportunity and find people who can help them solve it. - Not improving.
Unhappiness keeps us away from learning and improving ourselves. If I don’t improve, I stay behind which makes me more unHappy and then I wonder why things never change.
I must commit to learn, read books, attend conferences, signup for the gym to improve health and fitness. - Pessimism.
I must stay far away from pessimism.
It is the tendency to expect the worst in everything. A pessimist on an airplane is sure the plane is missing some essential part that won’t be noticed until it falls from the sky. If I expect bad things, I am more likely to get bad things. I don’t want to be known as as pessimist. - Envy.
Jealousy or envy are incompatible with happiness, so if I am constantly comparing myself with others, it’s time to stop. In one study, most subjects said that they’d be okay with making less money, but only if everybody else did too. I be wary of this kind of thinking as it won’t make me happy. I set my own goals and accomplish them. - Perfection.
Perfection kills happiness. No one is perfect. I must not kill my happiness to be 100% perfect because it will never be achieved. I must strive for perfection but not stress myself to achieve 100% perfection as 100% perfection can not be achieved in me or in my work. Once I understand this simple rule, I can be happy. - Fear.
Fear is natural emotion to protect us. But if I stay in fear all the time, I will kill my happiness. I must face my fear. I will make a list of things that make me fearful and. I will create a plan to overcome my fears one by one. - Staying in the past.
I must forgive and forget my bad past and only remember the good things. I must train my mind to be present and live in the moment as yesterday is gone and not going to come back again. No one knows what tomorrow brings – if it even comes – so it’s always important to live for today.
—– Changing my habits has brought greater happiness. But it’s also important for another reason: taking control of my happiness helps me also bring happiness to everyone around me.
—– I am committed to Happiness and I wish you would commit to it too – that is if you haven’t already.
You can reach Jauher Zaidi at jauher@moobila.com
Jauher Zaidi is an entrepreneur, business advisor, investor, co-founder and Chairman of Palmchip and CEO of Moobila, He can be reached at Jauher@moobila.com More info on linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/jauherzaidi Moobila.com
Jauher Zaidi 
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