By Jauher Zaidi 7-21-2019

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” —Aristotle

If you want to be a Happiness Failure, I suggest you practice these 10 habits. 

Happiness failure #1: Don’t focus or live in the present 

I was having meeting with a potential vendor. Less than one minute into the meeting, he received a text. Right away he looked down at his phone and started to respond. Thirty seconds went by. Then two minutes. I sat there as he continued to text away, smiling and nodding his head. After three minutes, I walked out of the meeting. He came after me, but I decided that I not want to do business with him. He showed that he would have difficulty focusing and paying to me or the task at hand.  

You are guaranteed to lose business, friends and family if you develop the habit of not paying attention to the person in front of you or the task at hand. 

Happiness failure #2: Don’t walk the talk

Over the years I have met many people who tell others “I’m writing a book”, “I’m starting a business”,  “I will get back to you.”

The funny thing is how people react – they applaud you for announcing something. When we tell someone our goal or task and they acknowledge it, research shows that it’s a psychological thing called ‘social reality.’ The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it’s already done something. And then because we’ve felt that satisfaction, we’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.

So you got to be proactive and do more than state your intention. 

Happiness Failure #3: Spend time with losers – Don’t spend time with people you can learn and grow with 

If you spend enough time with losers, you will become one. 

“We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with”. – Jim Rohn 

You will be known for the company you keep. 

Happiness Failure #4: Criticize everything… and everyone

Criticize everything – at home or at work. Things you buy, you eat and especially people you say you love and care for. Tell them and others what they are doing wrong. If they ask you to go to gym with them. Tell them, “I am healthy and I don’t need to waste my time in gym.”

Also don’t forget to criticize things that you don’t have control over like the weather. You make sure you hate rain, snow and off course you don’t like heat or cold, so you stay home as the weather doesn’t allow you do anything. Wasting a day is ok for you, as there will be another day tomorrow. 

Happiness Failure#5: Procrastinate

What’s the benefit of doing things today when there is another day coming tomorrow? If your boss asks you why the task isn’t done, just say, I will finish it tomorrow. Repeat the same thing to your boss day after day. If you get fired for not doing your job, go find another job. Just tell them “my boss did not know how to manage people and projects. He did not understand technology and he set us all up for failure by agreeing to a very aggressive schedule from upper management.” Or say, “he fired me to protect his job.” Also, don’t look for a job right away, take your time. Don’t try to finish anything today. 

Happiness Failure #6: Don’t Listen To Others – Never ask experts for advice 

Make sure you don’t ask others for advice. Just do what you think is right. Never say to experts, “can I ask you for advice” or “I need your opinion because you have experience in what I am trying to do and I care about your opinion”. This will show weakness on your part. 

Happiness Failure #7: Be lazy 

Never volunteer to do anything. If someone ask you for help just say “not now, can we do it later” or “I don’t feel like doing anything now.” It’s ok to miss important events. If you don’t feel like going to a lunch or dinner party, people will understand you are busy. If you don’t feel like buying a gift or calling your mother on her birthday or on Mother’s Day, it’s ok. These are normal feelings – you can always tell your mom later that “you were tired and sick”. She will understand and pray for you. After all it’s her problem that you are behind and can’t get anything done. At work, complain to your boss that other people are working fast to make you look bad. Your boss should do his job to slow other team members down otherwise he is not a good manager. 

Happiness Failure #8: Don’t learn new things

Make sure you strengthen your belief that learning is a waste of time. You tell your brain that you did not learn anything in high school or university. Your brain is not designed to understand math and economics. It flies over your head, therefore, going to seminars or conferences will not help. It will be waste of your time. If your boss sends you to seminar or a class to learn about new technology or management, just say please don’t waste company money and my time. Don’t read books either. If you do, make sure you never finish them. You know that learning is a struggle and you have already struggled in school and now you do not need to learn anything new. You already know that going to school was a total waste of your time and money, just remember that you did not learn anything in school. Don’t learn a new language either because in a few years, translation will be great on your iPhone or Android. You already know how to do a Google Search and that is enough to be an expert. 

Happiness Failure #9: Don’t be kind to people and don’t socialize or grow your network. 

Don’t be nice to people who like you and invite you to have good time. You believe that all people have problems. That they are going to sabotage you. It’s way cooler to be alone – you don’t need friends. You have your smartphone and Netflix.

Make sure you don’t believe in this statement “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know that makes you successful”.

Happiness Failure #10: Be a quitter – Quit before you start

If you can take away one thing from this post: Never finish what you start. Just give up and spend lots of time on justifying reasons “why this can’t be done. Discount what Thomas Edison said, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Say Edison’s inventions of electricity and the light bulb took him 1000 tries before he found the right material to make light bulb work. And that his light bulb invention has created energy shortages, economic  crisis’ and wars. 

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If you want to be successful in life, just do the opposite of what I’ve listed. And never give up on your dreams and the people around. Imagine if Edison had given up on inventing electricity and light bulb.

Don’t be a Happiness Failure. Never forget to smile and always stay in the Happy State! 

#117 Happiness Apple Flowers

What goes up must come down. An apple dropping on Isaac Newton’s head changed everything. He discovered the the formulas for modern physics. The formulas have taken us to the moon and beyond and into tiny atoms particles, which we can’t see.

The universe has been using physics, chemistry, biology and many others sciences since its inception. And we are now just discovering them.

So how did this beautiful flower become an Apple?

Or why can a simple smile turn sadness into Happiness for those receiving it?

We must practice smiling from our heart to share Happiness so that we can remain in the Happy State.

I say “An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A smile every hour makes you bright as a flower.”

#116

The purpose of the Declaration of Independence was to gain back Happiness from the British Empire. Americans and many other nations were slaves to the Colonial Empires. Many still are…

Why Americans needed independence from British Empire is clearly stated by Jefferson”

And to preserve their independence, we must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. We must make our election between economy and liberty, or profusion and servitude. If we run into such debts, as that we must be taxed in our meat and in our drink, in our necessaries and our comforts, in our labors and our amusements, for our callings and our creeds, as the people of England are, our people, like them, must come to labor sixteen hours in the twenty-four, give the earnings of fifteen of these to the government for their debts and daily expenses; and the sixteenth being insufficient to afford us bread, we must live, as they now do, on oatmeal and potatoes; have no time to think, no means of calling the mismanagers to account; but be glad to obtain subsistence by hiring ourselves to rivet their chains on the necks of our fellow-sufferers.”

Happiness is basic right of all human beings. We must do whatever to stay in Happy State. We must defend our Happiness at all cost.

Jefferson was given a task by the founders to write Declarations of Independence. He beautifully wrote and we all must understand and follow it not only in America but all over the world.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

We must celebrate Independence Happiness Day everyday by being kind, help others and protect our and others Happiness.

Always stay in Happy State!

#115

Today, I will be pulled into many different circles. I must only enter into Circles which increase my Happiness and avoid circles which kills happiness to stay in happy state.

First, I must identify my Happiness Killer Circles.

My Happiness Killer Circles are;

1. Anger – destroys health and destroy relationships.

2. Worry – destroys health and current moment.

3. Regret – destroys present moment and accomplishments.

4. Grudge – destroys peace and relationships.

5. Hate – destroys everything.

6. Pride – destroys creativity and relationships.

Second, I identify my Happiness Creation Circles. My Happiness creation circles are:

1. Love – Myself and others

2. Family – Spend time and help each other.

3. Friends – Talk about anything without judgement.

4. Financial Freedom – Focus on my financials to not worry about money.

5. Play – Make my work a play so I never have to work.

6. Travel – Travel to different countries and places to discover new cultures, religions, things and make new friends.

Happiness killer Circles are dark circles. Sometimes they show up on our face.

I must not allow myself to enter into dark circles. I must set trigger points or alarms that warn me when I am entering into dark circles.

Life is too short to be unhappy. I must not worry or be sad about the things which we can not control.

I must always stay in Happy State.

Jauher Zaidi

Our task is not to seek Happiness, but to seek and find all the barriers within ourselves that we have created.

The sudden death of the celebrity chef and travel documentarian Anthony Bourdain shocked me. From the outside, people saw a successful person who had everything going for him, but he was NOT happy. We see things like this happening regularly. People with money and fame ending their lives, showing that money, success and fame don’t bring happiness. Depression is a sickness, that some people can’t fix simply by training our minds. And for those, I hope someone is there for you when you need help the most. But for those who are just going through a rough time in their lives, I want to say that this will pass.

Most of us live in the past or in the future, and we miss the best moments and people in our life. The past brings regrets and the future brings stress.

Happy people live in the moment. They don’t waste their time regretting the past or stressing over the future.

I believe if we develop good habits or develop certain tools to stay in Happy State, we can work toward avoiding depression and make life worth living. The world is full of death and destruction, and we must do our part to try and make it better, but we should also remember to take care of ourselves. We are all destined for the next world, but while we are here we must try to live in Happiness.

John Lennon said, “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

We must try to understand the meaning of life. We must work on ways to control our brain when negativity hits. We must learn to listen to our heart more and develop habits to keep us in happy state.

Happy habits give us an edge in creating Happiness (Healthy, body and soul) and wealth (Family, Friends & Money).

I am listing 10 habits which I learned from my family, friends, customers, employees and the nature around us. I have come to realize that life is too short to waste on regret, stress and depression. I hope people who are suffering will realize this sooner before it’s too late.

Happy Habits:

1. Focus on the long term goals: Happy people that I know set goals with deadlines. They set short-term goals and long-term goals. They write checklists before they go to bed for the next day. When they wake up, their day is already defined. They know exactly what they want and learn how to get there.

2. Daily learning: They are a lifelong students. They read two or three books per month and 10 to 15 articles to grow their business and personal knowledge.

They invest in education, learning new things by reading, attending seminars and conferences each year to stay ahead. They thrive on acquiring knowledge each day.

3. Play: They make their work a playground and have fun playing in it. They play to have fun. They help people while playing. They don’t focus on winning every game. They know that in a game, the chances of winning are 50%. When they lose they celebrate the success of others. Sometimes they allow others to win so that they can play again. They play with their competition, create alliances with the enemy and they believe if everyone wins they will win and grow even with the competition.

4. End in mind: They only do things which are useful or playful. They focus on making their, family, friends and customers productive and entertained which allow them to reduce stress. They invite People for lunch or dinner to share food and laugh.

They are thankful for the moments given to them by people and God. They know that this moment in their life will not last forever. So they focus on happiness and enjoy the people and things they have.

5. Health: They are focused on their physical and mental health.

They make exercise part of their daily task. They never say I don’t have time to read a book or for exercise. They know exercise will keep their body strong and that reading a book will nourish their brain.

Imam Ali-inn-Talib said

“Like your body, your mind also gets tired, so refresh it by wise sayings.”

They read books, take mini vacations and mix business with pleasure by visiting new cities, countries, museums, playing sport or taking a day out when they visit customers in a new country or city. They do this to learn history, the customs and to meet new people.

6. Freedom: they like to be free and don’t want to be dependant on anyone. They create their own future by freeing themselves from material passions. They invest in passive and active income. They buy what they like and are not worried about what people will say.

7. Ask for help: They make friends with those who are experts, so that they can get advice to better inform their decisions. They know the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people. They choose their friends carefully – are mindful about the kind of people they surround themselves with. They understand that the company they keep and the people they allow into their inner circle will undoubtedly be an influence on them. They look for positive people, and avoid the negative ones.

8. Life Purpose: They have higher goals than just to survive or make money. They want to do more than for themselves.

They spend time brainstorming about their bigger dreams and laying out plans for how to achieve them. They think about their life, family and creating happiness with others.

They may ponder deep philosophical questions about life, but also focus on the nuts and bolts of their business and how to make more money to help people. They consider what kind of relationships they are creating with others. They work for the higher power, not just for their boss.

They look for complex problems and find or invent simple solutions. They focus on ways to improve the quality of life for the masses, not just for the few. They are students and teachers at the same time.

9. Service: They focus on customers.

They treat everyone they meet as their customer – always hospitable. Welcome with smile. They treat them

As they are gift from God. They know their happiness depends on how they treat people. They accomplish happiness by listening to their family, friends, clients, customers and employee’s feedback. They know they must have the support of those around them to accomplish any goal.

Happy people are good listeners because they aren’t afraid of feedback. They know feedback and constructive criticism will give them valuable insight. They are responsive to those around them — they truly want to hear different point of views. They have the courage to open themselves up to criticism, knowing that hearing others out will help them see their weak areas which they may be able to improve. They believe in continued improvement. They are persistent.

10. Perfection: They know they are not perfect. They know perfection is not achievable but they can strive to come close. But they don’t ruin their lives trying to achieve it.

Happy people succeed by making themselves invaluable. They go the extra mile to ensure they stand out from the rest. This means they don’t procrastinate or wait until things have piled up. They raise their hand to help or take responsibility. They know that maintaining good relationships with family, friends, customers and employees means always being one step ahead.

Happy people ask themselves what customers expect and want. How do I exceed those expectations? How do I offer something that’s unique and awesome? What will make customer happy?

Happy people believe what Rumi said, “Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”

They never think they are the victim, rather they believe they are the problem solver.

Be a problem solver and stay in happy state.

Fear stands in the way of Happiness.

I must change the definition of the four letter word fear in my vocabulary in order to stay in a happy state. I learned that to overcome my fears, I must list down all my fears and analyze them.

I use FEAR approach to overcome my fears:

F = First Identify my fears

E = Evaluate my fears

A = Analyze my fears

R = Rationalize my fears

If I do all these steps, I will find out that I have the solution and ability to overcome any fear I might have.

I’ve heard people say that fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.

Fear is one of the most dangerous states of mind that one can enter and might not leave. Once we are fearful, we often become paralyzed.

I learned to overcome my fears by listing them on paper one-by-one. Evaluate each fear and then evaluate whether it is a rational one. Once, I realized that fear is just an emotion to warn or alarm me from danger, I can take positive steps to eliminate it.

President Roosevelt once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”? FDR was telling the American people that their fear was making things worse. He went on to say, “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

When we are in a state of fear, we start to put barriers around us to protect our money, ourself and our ego. Sometimes, we make a preemptive strikes on others. We stop all positive efforts for learning and understanding others.

We are fearful of people we don’t know. We are fearful of the future which is not here. Society and people close to us sometimes project their fears with the thinking that they are protecting us. These fears stay with us for life and sometimes stand in our way of growth.

I learned that in order to stay in a Happy State, I must logically deal with my fears. Otherwise, I will miss opportunities to meet people, travel and grow myself.

I read lots of books and articles on how to overcome fear.

Here are a few of the things from people in history that I have learned that I now practice:

1. “Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

2. “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve, the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho

3. “Courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

4. “When you are afraid of something, dive straight into it, because the intensity of abstaining from it is greater than what your are afraid of.” – Ali-ibn-Talib

We must not live our life in fear, not even for a moment.

Practice makes perfect – do something that will allow you to conquer your fears.

Be fearless!

It isn’t easy to remain Happy when negativity surrounds us.

I have to have full control over my emotions by not allowing unwanted negativity to enter my Happiness circle. I must identify the source of negativity that kills Happiness. God prescribed fasting once a year to cleanse our body and soul from this negativity, as it is a weapon used by Satan to destroy humankind.

All three Abrahamic religions required fasting once a year to strengthen our body and soul.

Why I need to fast?

Fasting strengthens my will power and self control. During fasting, I practice to control my temptations for food, water and other things.

Fasting strengthens my belief to practice good and avoid evil by monitoring my actions from dawn til night.

Fasting is a pact between me and God to practice Divine rules and show compassion to myself and others.

Moses fasted for 40 days before God sent him the 10 commandments.

Jesus fasted for 40 days in the desert to strengthen his prophecy.

Mohammad (PBUH) fasted 30 days and received revelation from God in the month of Ramadan.

In Islam fasting is prescribed by God to purify our body and soul from evil and practice good. Muslim fast for 30 days from day break to night.

My Happiness Fast is to practice good deeds and avoid happiness killing habits, some of which I have listed below.

I must fast from:

1. Anger,
2. Lying and dishonesty,
3. Jealousy,
4. Backbiting,
5. Slandering others, false, accusations and spreading rumors
6. Stealing and cheating,
7. Shouting,
8. Egotistical behavior,
9. Criticising oneself & others,
10. Killing body and soul.

**Feel free to add to the list which negative acts or feelings you may have that are holding you back

I must remember that I have full control of my body and my attitude. All the negativity in the world can’t destroy my happiness unless I allow it to get inside my mind and soul.

When I am able to focus on the positive points in a negative situation, I can find a way to ultimate happiness. This is how I fight negativity and stay in the Happy State in this life and next.